my melody.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

♥ Making a child feel loved

We parents are full of faults. We all make mistakes.

But one of the things I’d tell myself is, the fact that no parents are perfect should never be my excuse for not wanting to always change for the better.

How to make a child feel loved (especially since I think sometimes we parents unintentionally do or say things that make our children feel ‘the opposite’).

An extract from Dr Leman’s book ‘Making Children Mind without Losing Yours‘, ie. the part where he shared some of Larry Tomczak’s practical suggestions on how to make a child feel loved.

1. Make sure we see our children as God sees them - as a ‘gift’ and a ‘reward’, not as an interruption or an accident.

2. Cultivate a childlike attitude. Don’t take ourselves too seriously. Rediscover play. Walk barefoot together across the wet grass. Ride a merry-go-round. Act out a story instead of merely reading it.

3. Give our children direct eye contact. A child has a critical need for focused attention that enables him to feel respective, important and loved. “Daddy or Mommy really cares about me … what I say … what I do.”

4. Physically express our love regular hugging, kissing, sitting close together, tousling hair, tickling, rubbing backs … putting an arm on the shoulder .. are all absolutely essential to assure a child’s emotional security and to nurture his self-esteem. They communicate this thought : “I like you and enjoy being with you.” These are the building blocks of a strong , healthy love bond.

5. Train ourselves to be a good listener. Listening requires discipline, especially with children who can tell us the same Winnie the Pooh story a hundred times. It involves the eyes, ears, mind and heart. It means kneeling at times so as to be on their level and to communicate eye to eye. it’s important that as parents we respond to our child’s feelings. Such statements as ‘Not now, I’m busy” or “Tell me later” say to a child i guess i’m not as important to Mommy and Daddy as other things are.

6. Spend … time together. There simply is no substitute for regular, consistent time spent together doing ordinary things (eating, working, walking, praying, driving, swimming, shopping) or “making memories” by doing extraordinary things (visit to the zoo, pet shop, amusement park, or hospital; picnicking, biking, building a model plane, sight-seeing, etc). Spending time with our children does create great memories. A child’s life is so pliable during the formative years. Do our best to give our child a great gift every day: yourself! And be sure to listen. All parents look back and realise how quickly time passes. Use our time wisely. Listen to our children when they are little. They are much more likely to talk to us when they are older!

Personally I hope to remember and apply these points ‘consistently’ as a parent to my little one. But the fact is of course, I can’t.

There are many many times when I realise (usually afterwards!) how I didn’t listen well to what Melody was trying to tell me earlier on. How my eyes were more fixed on the TV, laptop or my mobile phone, and not really paying attention to what Melody was trying to show me.

And I do feel guilty afterwards. For not doing what I know I should be doing instead.

And when I do feel bad, I try to think how we parents should never stop at just feeling bad. We should actually reflect, try our best to rectify what we’ve done wrong earlier if possible, and move forward towards the better.

Recently I’ve been going through some ‘down moments’ with Melody. Things have not been nice and sweet. I think this is part of her growing up process.

I still remember someone told me. "If the discipline in your home is merely a matter of rules posted on the walls, it won’t work. They’re not likely to grow into loving, responsible adults. The rules find their ultimate value as expressions of the relationships within the family. These are the expectations of how family members will love one another. As children see that their parents are committed to the family, they will commit themselves, too".

♥

bong~bong @// 29.1.09

Thursday, January 15, 2009

♥ 28 months old today & her progress

Melody is 28 months old. She has slowly blossomed into a small girl, losing her toddler-ship, baby fats and developing defined features and jaw line is getting more prominent too. As what every mums would say, time flies

Some days ago i started to take a closer look at her and remember her every bits, monitored her moves and her abilities.

Her vocabs.... like apple, ball, cat, dog, duck, elephant, monkey, cow, horse, ice-cream, bird, bye, bread, biscuit, bear, egg, rice, baby, don't want, car, bus, lorry, taxi, train, cold, hot, milk, chair, ear, eye, nose, mouth, hair, teeth, hand, leg, head, fish, hi, hello, wait, walk, go, water, where, flower, chocolate, eat, open, rain, sleep, shoes, sorry, cartoon, thank you....etc.... of course not to forget, mummy, daddy, mama, gong gong, gugu, yee yee... She is also beginning to link 2 or 3 words to make a sentence, and some others i don't understand at all.

She knows how to count, but i have no idea whether she has any concept of numbers yet.

She can open almost any containers with lids. Turn to open, flip to open, push button to open, twist to open.

She almost there in putting on her shoes on her own, just that she gets confused with left or right side.

She knows how to remove her diaper. Most of the time i'll do for her and she will help to throw into the bin.

She can't wear her pants and tees on her own yet but almost there soon, just at times getting her arm into the wrong hole.

She can spend up to an hour just taking CDs or DVDs out and putting them back again.

She 'flirts' with her cheeky grins and look at you with her slanty eyes!

She is semi-feeding herself.

When a song is on, she does her dance moves from side to side, sometimes turn herself around in circles and twist her bottom.

Her hair is still short.

I love her little pecks and enjoy chuckling with her.

She can cry almost 15mins to an hour, depend on situations.

When she wakes up from her sleep/nap, she just walk to us. No more whining! Unless nightmare.

She is spending more time on her own now, like 20-30mins at a stretch doing her own stuff, playing by herself.

She has grown up...

And this is the Melody i want to remember for always! I'm so fond of her.

♥

bong~bong @// 15.1.09

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

♥ Starting her Nursery REAL soon!

Can’t believe Melody’s going to start SCHOOL next month!

I mean … MY kid is starting school! It’s like … I suddenly feel she’s growing up so fast before my very eyes.

And I’ll soon be one of those parents who send their kids to school, pick them up, meet their teachers and other parents, check on their school books, attend parent-teacher meetings and stuff.

And deep inside I wonder how it’ll all be like this year 2009.

Will she be cooperative in class. Will she be pushed around by more agressive kids. What kinds of positive and negative habits she’ll pick up from friends at school.

Ah. It sure is going to be the start of a whole new experience. Not just for Melody, but also for us parents too!

♥

bong~bong @// 13.1.09

Friday, January 09, 2009

♥ Enjoying One's Childhood

Now that Melody is going to start school soon, I can’t help but see how the education system here in Singapore expects rather highly on our little ones. Academically, I mean.

While nursery and kindergartens in countries like Australia or US focus more on playtime and socialisation, schools here have started teaching kids from 2 or 3 years - how to read and write.

I personally am not against introducing kids, at Melody’s age, to simple writing and reading. But when a school’s primary focus is on the academics and not so much on play, that’s where I feel better balance is needed somewhere.

If you ask me, I think kids at the age of 2 to 7 years should still enjoy lots of playtime and socialising with friends. The majority of their days should be filled with stuff like creative explorations, fun with friends and physical / outdoor activities.

I feel they should also pick up skills like simple writing and stuff, but the focus should still be more on playtime.

Reasons being: academics and all its glorious achievements will always be there, always pursued, even by those whose hair has turned grey, but childhood moments can never be repeated. It’s gone when it’s over.

If I could decide for a nursery school’s syllabus, I’d probably go with, errr … 65% play and 35% academic learning?

But then I’d need to have enough money to buy an island and set up my own school there.

♥

bong~bong @// 9.1.09

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

♥ Old Year, New Year

As usual, towards the end of the year 2008, I would find myself running breathlessly after time, being caught in the whirlwind of X'mas, New Year celebrations, etc. And on the very last day of the year, I usually gasp and wonder where all the time went, can I slow down the ticking clock a little just so that I have a little more time to reflect on the old year and prepare myself for the new year. On top of that, we also went to Hong Kong for our New Year's holiday and it was a hectic last few days of 2008 we had.

2008 had been a very fulfilling year. With Melody came into our lives , growing taller & prettier , started jumping and walking backwards, and new words are popping out from her every single day.

Melvin and I are more determined than ever to not just make our marriage work, but to make it a wonderful one. (I really hope so.. haha.. with my very stubborn character) I have a lot to thank for what I have, my family, my friends.. especially ivi (she has went through with me my most difficult moment).

One of my New Year resolutions is also, to take better care of myself. To make more time for myself, time to rejunevate my soul and time to grow as an individual. By loving myself, I will have enough love to love the people around me.

There's so much I want to do, and I'm excited to start my life every day!

Cheers, to the brand new year!

♥

bong~bong @// 6.1.09

Monday, January 05, 2009

♥ The year when we CAN make choices

Someone shared this thought and I’d like to share it on the year 2009.

…

In life there are things that we can and cannot choose.

We can’t choose when we’d want to be born.

We can’t choose our race.

We can’t choose our parents.

There are many things in our lives that are simply be ‘beyond’ our control. And we simply can’t choose.

However.

There are countless other things in our lives that we CAN choose.

We can choose to forgive and not hate.

We can choose to be more of a giver and not just a receiver.

We can choose to be more grateful and not complain.

We can choose to be more loving in our words and actions towards our family and everyone else.

We can choose to see life in a more positive light and not be ever pessimistic.

…

As I step into a new year, I know I have countless choices to make. And I pray I can learn to make as many right ones as possible.

♥

bong~bong @// 5.1.09