I am always waiting for a new start. When opportunity came, I gave up.
I always said, I'll do this after the New Year. I'll do that after the CNY. I can't start this now, I can’t start that now, it's Thursday. I'll start on next Monday. I can't start this because I don't have that...
I'm full of excuses. Sometimes I just hate myself for being so, full of shit.
There are a couple of things on my to-do list that have been sitting there since a long time ago.
But it's like, sometimes I feel energized and happy and I feel like doing a lot. But sometimes I get into those stalled mode and I just want to do nothing. I dilatory. I drag my feet around office in the weekdays and then come weekends I start feeling alive again.
Sometimes I think I am wasting my life.
I wish I have the spirit and fraction like some other amazing women out there. To just do it. To be spontaneous. To not be afraid of this and that. To be more confident. To wake up in the morning and feel good. To really just go out and do the things I want to do. To just be happy every single day. Even when I get hit by tripping stones every now and then, to be able to get up again quickly and move on.
Sometimes I think I take a bit too long to recover from upsets in life, which are really normal, common, and part of everyday life.
I think I need to start living my life.
But how? Start next month? Start after travel fair?
I think a long talk with myself is in place. Some quiet time to sort myself out. I need to feel better about myself. And it's not about how others see me. It's how I see myself.